The first short story in This
Is How You Lose Her, “The Sun, The Moon, The Stars,” is all about the power
struggle of a relationship that Yunior has with his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend
Magda. Both Yunior and Magda used sex,
albeit in different ways, to showcase who was in charge. Early on in their relationship, Magda makes
it clear to Yunior that “she wouldn’t sleep with [him] until [they’d] been
together at least a month” and she stuck to this promise (6). Right of the bat, Magda is showcasing to
Yunior that she is in control, that she decides when they will have sex, and
that if Yunior doesn’t like that, he can go pound sand. Furthermore, Magda would ask Yunior personal
question right after they had had sex, right when she thought he was most
vulnerable. But using sex as power
wasn’t just limited to Magda within the relationship. When Yunior is talking about his conversation
with the VP, he mentions that “jealousy is the best way to jump-start a
relationship” and that if your girlfriend gets mad at you for it, it means that
she still cares (18). While this
conversation came after the fact that Yunior had cheated on Magda, it may have
alluded to how he was thinking at the time.
Yunior started off just by dancing and talking to other women, to make
Magda jealous, but eventually took it too far and got caught. Yunior didn’t want to be a pushover within
the relationship, but his quest for power ended with him having lost everything
that he had gained. Even Magda used
jealousy to her advantage. At the beach
in Santo Domingo, he mentions how Magda and here friends pick out a swimsuit
that she would were that “could torture me” (15). She is not only giving Yunior a taste what he
cant have but also showcasing her body to all the men on the beech as something
they could possibly have; she is driving Yunior crazy. Throughout “The Sun, The Moon, The Stars”
Magda and Yunior have a power struggle in order to stay relevant within their
relationship, but as far as both are concerned they both have lost as their desire
for power has destroyed their relationship.
Yunior's conversation about jealousy with the Vice-President early on in the novel also struck me as a key moment. Not only does this interaction fascinate me because it finally gives us as readers insight into why Yunior messes around with other girls while in a relationship, but also what VP says about a typical Dominican girlfriend's violent reaction to finding out about her boyfriend's dalliances on the side: "They only hit you, he says, when they care" (18). While it is interesting that both Yunior and the VP seem to accept violence as an expression of love or caring from a romantic partner, it interests me more as to how this relates to Yunior cheating on his girlfriends all the time, as many other Dominican men in Drown and The Brief Wondrous Life of Oscar Wao such as Yunior's own father do. So in this culture, if women hit their men out of jealousy or frustration for being promiscuous with other women, and men need that type of validation from their women to make sure they are still invested in the relationship, is this an indirect way of saying that Dominican men cheat on their women because they care about the relationship too? Perhaps this relates to the power struggle that seems to characterize many of the relationships that Diaz's characters engage in...perhaps Diaz, as the true author of the story, is suggesting that relationship sabotage, whether it be platonic, romantic, or familial, is a critical part of the inadvertent struggle to gain the upper hand.
ReplyDeleteThere is definitely a power struggle between Yunior and Magda. And this power struggle defiantly circles around the use of sex to showcase power, but perhaps the true power within this relationship comes from distancing oneself from the other, making the other feel worthless. The relationship between Yunior and Magda seems like a doomed one from the start, whenever one is trying to get close to the other, the other distances him or herself. For example, in the beginning of the relationship Magda, “Dragged me [Yunior] into church every Sunday…[and] sends me corny little notes in the mail: So you won’t forget me” (Diaz 5). However, while Magda is making an effort to get close to Yunior, he is distancing himself by sleeping around. Here is where the power lies, because Yunior is actively distancing himself he is making himself feel like a real stud, while simultaneously making Magda feel like she’s worthless.
ReplyDeleteThe same notion of power can be seen from the other angle after Yunior gets caught cheating. In other words, Yunior tries to get close to Magda while she is actively distancing herself. For instance, on Vacation Yunior pleads to Magda saying, “I just wish you’d say you love me” (Diaz 15). However, she remains silent and later during their resort’s hosted party Yunior recounts, “Tonight, she says, she needs space.” (Diaz 21). Yunior is now the one trying to get close to Magda and she is now the one distancing herself. She is now the one making Yunior feel like he doesn’t matter and therefore she is now the one that has power within the relationship.